One of the most frustrating things about online dating in Vietnam is that most conversations never seem to go anywhere.
Open YmeetMe on your phone (or your dating app of choice). How many matches do you have? “5, 10 or more” Wow, that many? Great.
But how many of those matches have actually resulted in dates, and how many of those matches have been frittered away in dead-end conversations? It’s always awkward asking somebody out, even on dating apps that are designed exclusively for that purpose!
You don’t know the right time to bring it up, and so you and your partner go back and forth saying “Hi” and “What’s up” and “How are you doing today” till one of you lets the ball drop out of sheer exhaustion. It’s the world’s most boring game of Ping-Pong, and it feels mechanical and like a chore.
There’s a better way, we promise. Imagine the best conversation you could have with one of your matches:
You: I love that you have “Only here for a backup voice for karaoke night” in your bio. What’s your go-to karaoke song?
Her: Oh, definitely Ice Ice Baby. How about you?
Once you match with somebody, read her bio to find something specific that you two might have in common. Be complimentary. Provide some basic information about yourself. And ask questions! Think of it this way, asking questions is providing an incentive for her to answer. Pay attention to the rhythm of the conversation: it should feel like both people are equal participants.
You: I used to bartend at a karaoke bar to save money for law school. I have the funniest karaoke story. But it’s way too embarrassing to tell on here. I could trade it for one of yours though?
Her: What if my story ends up being more embarrassing? I don’t know if that’s a fair deal.
You: Okay, loser buys a latte? Name your price!
Try to make this initial phase of conversation fun for you both! Unfortunately, you can’t just skip to “Let’s go out this weekend.” Women are extremely reluctant to go out with men they don’t know at all- for good reason. The best way to assuage her fear is to be chill and considerate throughout the conversation.
Once you get to know the basic contours of each other’s personalities, she’ll be relaxed enough for you to sound her out about meeting in person. You can’t do it immediately, but you can’t let it wait too long, either. You’ll both cool off if you pick up and drop the conversation multiple times over weeks. She may not even remember who you were after a month! Ask her about her schedule within a couple days, once the rapport has been established.
You: So, what’s your schedule like this week?
Her: Pretty busy, but I’m free after six or seven most evenings.
You: Me too. Do you like Chinese food?
Her: I do!
You: I’d love to take you on a date to the world’s best Chinese restaurant/ karaoke spot, if you’re up for it.
After finding out when she’s free, suggest something that you could do together. It doesn’t have to be something gimmicky, like a picnic in the park. What it does have to be is tailored to her interests. Don’t suggest a run if you’re not sure she’s the sporty type (I’m inclined to believe that you should never suggest a run for the first date.)
Be specific. This isn’t a “hangout session”. Don’t tell her “Yo, we should definitely do a casual hang sometime.” That’s the most low-stakes invitation of all time. You want a date, right? I know it can be scary to frame it like that, but you two matched on a dating app. It’s no secret that you have non-platonic intentions. You’ve already blown past the most awkward part. Just ask her– nicely, of course – if she’d care to go on a date.
What’s the worst that could happen? Either silence, or:
Her: This week isn’t great for me… I’ll let you know though.
You: No worries. Let me know. Have a great week!
No matter what she says — whether she hedges, or says she’s busy, or ignores the invitation – you back off.
This is your cue to be the the chill, respectful man that she wanted to go on a date with in the first place. Take rejection gracefully. You’ve never met this person: don’t build up too much investment in going out on a date with them. There will be plenty of other women who want to go on dates with you.
Hopefully though, that’s not going to happen. If you’ve both been enjoying the conversation, she’s likely to react like this:
Her: Yes definitely!
You: Great. How are you placed for Wednesday or Thursday?
Her: Thursday works for me.
You: All right, I’m going to message you Thursday to confirm. Can’t wait.
Once you have the green signal, give her some options for the exact day, and make sure you follow up with her! People have busy lives, and you don’t want to be the person getting the “Oh, man, I totally forgot *sadface emoji* can we reschedule?” text as you’re on the way to the date. Keep in mind that first dates are tricky precisely because two strangers have to make room in their schedules on a gamble.
If a date is rescheduled too many times, both of are you are likely to throw in the towel. (You’re trying to make online dating less inefficient and frustrating, after all.)
Follow these basic principles, and you’re that much closer to turning dating into a seamless and satisfying process.
If you want a serious relationship with them or dating a Vietnamese girl or women, you can’t miss downloading YmeetMe app to find your love.
Download app for Android here: Download
Download for iPhone here: Download